René François Artois - The local café proprietor, Whilst trying to remain impartial, René has been brought into the war on both sides. The Germans are threatening to shoot him if he does not secretly hide stolen valuable paintings; The Resistance are using his café as a safe-house for shot down British airmen; and on top of that, he is trying to keep his passionate love affairs with the café serving girls secret from his wife.

Edith Melba Artois - René's wife, and the café's resident cabaret performer. However, her singing is so bad, the locals stick cheese in their ears to block out the terrible sound. Whilst she is referred to as stupid by René, she is also the subject of much romantic wooing by the local undertaker, Monsieur Alfonse and the Italian, Captain Alberto Bertorelli.

Madame Fanny La Fan - Edith's mother. She lives in the attic of the café, which is also the place where the British airmen and the Resistance's radio are hidden. She is partial to a glass of gin, and occasionally fills in for her daughter as part of the café cabaret; though her singing is just as bad!

Yvette Carte-Blanche - A waitress at the café. She is in love with René, and wants to elope with him, but is unable due to René having to stay loyal to his wife. She is also responsible for entertaining the German officers, upstairs at the café with the wet celery and the flying helmet!

Maria Recamier - Another waitress at the café. She too is in love with René. She has no idea that Rene also loves Yvette, and also believes that Rene should run away with her. When she speaks she has the tendency to spit when she gargles her "r"s. She gets "lost in the post" in the episode 'Camp Dance'.

Mimi Labonq - The replacement waitress for Maria. She is also a secret agent for the Resistance who has a blood-thirsty hate of the Germans, with a secret mission to kill the “German swines.” She also has a bit of a fancy for René.

Michelle Dubois - Leader of the local French Resistance, she is responsible for coming up with elaborate plans to help the British airmen escape, and plots for blowing up German ammunition trains and lorries. She pretended to fall in love with René, but only to stop him leaving the Resistance!

Monsieur Roger LeClerc - The Resistance's forger, master of disguises and café piano player. He is responsible for delivering various goods of batteries, bombs and radio equipment to the café. This duty is undertaken by LeClerc in a variety of disguises ranging from being an onion seller to being a lost mountain hiker. He is also the childhood sweetheart of Madame Fanny.

Monsieur Ernest LeClerc - The character was introduced after the sudden death of Jack Haig (the actor who played Roger Leclerc). He had many of the same characteristics as his brother, and was also the childhood sweetheart of Madame Fanny.

Monsieur Alfonse - The local undertaker. He is in love with Madame Edith; often wooing her with flowers and the prospect of living above the mortuary. He often aides the resistance.

General Erich Von Klinkerhoffen - A ruthless commander. He always threatens to have French peasants shot when the German army is attacked by the resistance. He is later involved in a plot to blow up Hitler.

Colonel Erich Von Strohm - The town German commandant. He is kept occupied by hiding valuable local paintings and antiques, which he will sell after the war. He frequently visits the cafe, where the waitresses provide him with much entertainment.

Lieutenant Hubert Gruber - A German officer on leave from the Russian front, with a crush on René. He is also responsible for forging certain pieces of art.

Captain Hans Geering - Original assistant to Colonel Von Strohm, he is lenient for a German officer (e.g. he is not shocked to find out that his uniform is being made by a Jewish tailor), he also frequently visits the cafe, where the waitresses provide him with much entertainment. He is mistaken as a British Airman in 'Camp Dance' and sent to England.

Captain Alberto Bertorelli - An Italian who has come to the local town, as Mussolini has joined in the war. He has an eye for the ladies.

Herr Otto Flick - The local Gestapo officer who tries to shows as little emotion as possible. He fancies Helga Geerhart, whom he will marry after the war.

Private Helga Geerhart - The Colonel's secretary, and lover of Herr Flick. She is well built, and often seen stripping off her clothes.

Herr Engelbert Von Smallhausen - Herr Flick's assistant. He often suggests stupid plans and ideas; only for them to be put down by Herr Flick.

Officer Crabtree - The town's policeman, who is really an undercover British spy. Unfortunately, he has a terrible grasp of French, which means that sometimes he is quite incomprehensible.

RAF Flight Lt. Fairfax - A British airman trying to get back to England, after been shot down above France.

RAF Flight Lt. Carstairs - Another British airman, and sidekick of Fairfax.

General Leopold von Flockenstuffen - A German general, whose sexuality is along the same lines of Gruber.

Denise Laroque - Original leader of the Communist Resistance and childhood sweetheart of René.

Louise - Later leader of the Communist resistance; she is also in love with René.